Ghosted

Poaching

You're out with her and another guy starts talking to her. Not subtly. He's moved into the conversation, turned toward her, made it clear what he's doing. You're right there.

The obvious responses both have problems. Step in and you look threatened. Say nothing and you look like you don't care. He's put you in a position where both moves cost something.

The game

Three players: you, her, him.

His move is partly aimed at her and partly at you. He's signaling interest in her, but he's also running a test. How you respond tells him — and her — something about where you stand.

Her move is the one that matters most. She can redirect it, engage with it, or leave it to you. What she does tells you something about the relationship that's harder to learn any other way.

Your response affects both of them. Getting territorial might end the approach, but it signals to her that you felt threatened enough to compete. Ignoring it entirely reads as either very secure or not paying attention, and she can't easily tell which.

He's counting on the fact that you don't have a clean response. The approach costs him almost nothing either way. If it works, it works. If you react badly, that's useful information for him too.

Dominated strategies

Getting visibly territorial. Cutting into the conversation, positioning yourself, making it obvious you're reacting. This confirms the approach landed. It also puts her in the position of watching you compete, which is a different dynamic than the one you want.

Performing indifference. Turning away, getting absorbed in your phone, making a show of not noticing. This reads as a reaction too, just in the other direction.

The cleaner move: stay relaxed and let her handle it. If she redirects him, you learned she's got it. If she doesn't, you learned something worth knowing — not about him, but about her.